Incandescence
by MysticVeil
Summary: I thought I found someone who made my miserable life worth living. She was my everything. But then she was taken away from me when the bombs fell on District 12. I might as well have died that day too. I would have, had it not been for Raina. She saved my life that day, and she became my comfort, my rock. But I can never love anyone other than Madge... Can I? Eventual GalexO.C
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **__**Hello lovely readers! Thanks so much for reading :) so this is a prequel to my story, Flames. I've had this idea I had for, quite literally, months since I wrote Flames, but I just haven't been able to write it properly. Please leave a review :) they are just quite lovely.**_

_Madge stands in front of me. There's no flames around her. Her beautiful blonde hair floats around her body. She smiles, her pink lips looking as soft as they ever did. _

_"Madge," I whisper and step towards her. Her smiles widens. She reaches her hand towards me and I immediately go to take it... But then I hesitate. _

_"Are you really here?" I ask. _

_"No. You need to let me go, Gale." she says, her voice quiet and soft. _

_"You can't ask me to do that!" I almost scream. _

_"Let me go..."_

_"Madge!" I scream. She's beginning to grow fainter and fainter... I'm losing her. _

_"Goodbye..." _

"Gale! Gale!"

My eyes shoot open and I see Raina staring at me from the end of the bed. She looks worried, her dark eyebrows are drawn together.

"You were screaming again," she tells me.

Great.

Raina has moved into my family's room because my mother has asked her to keep an eye on me. We alternate between sleeping on my bed and on the floor. She's too stubborn to accept the offer of sleeping on the bed full-time. On bad days, when I'm plagued by nightmares to the point I can barely breathe, we sleep in the same bed. It's not because we love each other, it's far from that. We just need comfort. That feeling of skin again skin, having someone tell you that everything will be alright in the end and that no matter what, I'll be there for you. Raina was my comfort.

I gesture for her to come closer. She crawls up and slips into the tiny space between the wall and me. I cover her with the thin blanket and she presses her face into my chest, and I wrap my arms around her body. She's getting to thin. I can easily feel her bones through the shirt she wears. She doesn't eat much these days. She tends to give her food to my brothers, who are growing and always hungry. I try to stop her, but she always ignores me. She makes me so angry sometimes.

"Did you have another nightmare?" she asks me.

"What do you think?" I tell her, but it comes out too harshly. Her face hardens, her eyes growing darker. I swallow. "I'm sorry... I'm just tired." I tell her.

"You're lying to me," she whispers. She knows me better than I think.

"I am tired..."

"But you're upset. I know you, Gale. Don't lie to me."

"Fine. Yes I'm upset. Happy now?" I snap.

She punches my shoulder, so quickly it caught me by surprise.

"Would you stop being a fucking cocky bastard? I'm trying to help you." she snaps at me, her tone sharp. I sigh, and tighten my grip around her, searching for hand under the covers.

"I know... Please, can we just go to sleep?" I whisper. She nods. I feel her leg slide up over my hip, and I run my hand over the smooth skin. Before falling asleep, Raina presses her lips against mine.

Yes, she's my comfort. I tell her everything. But we use each other for something else too. I know it's not a good thing to do, using her for sex because I need a distraction from the hell I'm living in. But she wants it too. Her whole family died for God's sake. She's in more of a hell than I am.

I feel her breath steady when she slips into sleep. I bury my face into her soft black hair. Madge had soft hair too...

Christ, I can't ever stop thinking about her. What did I do to deserve this? What did Raina do to deserve the loss of her family and then being stuck with someone like me? I look down at the sleeping girl settled against my chest. She deserves someone better than me. Almost every night she hears me say Madge's name... I don't know how she deals with it.

I'm starting to wonder if I should count down the days until I lose Raina too.


	2. Chapter 2

_Raina POV_

I wake up beside Gale, and for one beautiful moment everything is alright with the world. But then I hear him moan and I know that he is once again dreaming about _her. _Any pleasant feelings I have come crashing down and I remember the hell I'm living in. My family is gone. My home is destroyed. And Gale, the strong boy I once knew, is now broken and damaged. Gale has always been a sort of role model for me. I admired how he fed his family and fought for them. But now, it's like he was never the strong person I thought I knew. It's like he was made of glass and when Madge died he shattered. And now I'm forced to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together.

I can't deny that I've never liked Madge. Of course, anyone that privileged I hate. We suffered and died while they turn a blind eye, refusing to acknowledge our pain. I suppose it wasn't fair of me to think that way, but I couldn't help it. I needed someone to blame for my pain and anger.

Gale moans again and he mumbles something, mostly like her name. When I first realized that Gale was falling in love with the Mayor's daughter, I prayed it wouldn't happen. The two of them could never be together. In the end, I knew Gale would be hurt in some way or another. But he is far worse than I ever thought possible. I'm trying to help him, really I am. I give him everything and anything he wants. I didn't want to at first. I've never really been with a guy before in District 12. I had been too busy trying to find food and survive. But when I lost my family and my home, the pain was too much to handle. So I went to Gale in hopes he could help me forget, even if just for a little while. He refused at first, of course. But then I kissed him. He was surprised to say the least, but yet he still didn't accept the idea. And then I almost... Begged. Looking back, it was stupid and embarrassing to do such a thing, but at the time I needed an escape. And Gale taking me was that escape. And I was his.

It was supposed to only be a one time thing. We never meant to do it again. But then I found myself going back to him again. And this time he gladly accepted. He had waited for me to come back. Is this wrong of us? Using sex as a distraction? No, it's not. The hell we're living in... Who wouldn't want to escape it? If I didn't have Gale... I don't want to think of what I might have done to escape. In the end though, I'm always painfully reminded that I will never be good enough. I will never replace Madge. He has dreams of her often, and I hear him say her name throughout the night. I remember I was talking with my mother about the moon, and she said "How can you love the moon when you have seen the sun?"

Madge was Gale's sun. She was his light, his everything. How could he possibly want a stupid, skinny little Seam girl... Me... when he had Madge. How could someone want the moon when they've seen the sun, when they've felt its warmth and beauty. No one would want the moon after that.

I sit up, trying squeeze out of the bed without Gale noticing. But he does. He was still half asleep, I know him well enough to know that. His large hand clutches my wrist and he tries to tug me back.

"Don't go." he slurs, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Why do you care where I go?" I snap at him.

"Please stay with me." he says.

In the end, I can never refuse Gale Hawthorne. I crawl back up and curl into his chest. Of course, he won't remember any of this later. He won't remember asking me to stay with him, and if he does, he'll just say it was a dream.

"Thank you," he whispers. His eyes drift close and I can see he's starting to fall asleep again.

"Gale?" I say quickly.

"Hm?"

"If I were to die tomorrow, what would you say to me today?" I ask him. Then I mentally kick myself. This was definitely not the time and place for me to ask that question, but I really needed to know the answer. And I know he won't lie to me. That's the good thing about Gale, he always tells the truth when he's half asleep.

"You wouldn't." he tells me.

"But if I were-"

"You wouldn't. I wouldn't let you."


	3. Chapter 3

_Gale POV_

I wake the next day with Raina still tucked under my arm. I vaguely remember something... Raina asking me a question. I was almost asleep, but her question gave me a fright and made me wake completely. She asked me what I would do if she died. I told her the truth, she wouldn't die. I wouldn't let her. Even if she did, then I wouldn't be alive to witness it. I already lost Madge, I'm not losing Raina too.

I hear my brothers groan as my mother wakes them up. Then I feel a little hand on my shoulder. I untangle myself from Raina and turn over, seeing my little sister standing beside the bed. Her dark hair tumbles around her little face which is still weary. I reach over and brush the hair off her face so I can see her dark eyes. Her eyes were once so bright with youthfulness, despite the hard life she had. I tried to protect her from the brutalities of District 12. I made sure she wouldn't see as little as the starving people as possible. If ever I saw one of them dying in the streets, I would pick her up and carry her and she would hide her face in my shoulder. I tried my best to hide the sweet girl from the pain and death, to keep her a child as long as possible, but my attempts were all in vain. When the bombs fell on District 12 and so many people died, she ceased to be a child. Her eyes no longer sparkle. They've become hard and dull.

"It's time to get up." she tells me. I nod and turn back to Raina. I shake her shoulder and her eyes flutter open. I slide out of bed and see my mother. God, how these events have changed her. She looks older, her hair is starting to grey. She's become frail, sometimes she has to stop and clutch the wall to keep her balance. It's changed my brothers too. They've grown up, they've hardened. Posy comes up beside me, slipping her small hand into mine. I grip hers tightly, terrified that if I let go I'll lose her. At least I was able to save her that day, if I didn't... I can't even imagine what I would have done.

My mother shepherds the two boys and little Posy while I wait for Raina. She piles her dark hair on top of her head, tying it with some string my mother found. I take in Raina's appearance while she does so. Her skin is dark, her hair black as a crow. Her grey uniform completely engulfs her small figure. She catches me staring.

"What is it?" She asks.

"Nothing. Now come on, we have to go. You know how rigid they are with their schedules." I tell her. I hate their schedules. I hate this place. Raina nods and walks with me to the door, but then stops.

"I know you don't like it here, but we have to be grateful for what we have." she whispers.

"How can I? Everyday I see people from out District and do you know what they look like? They look dead. There's nothing left to them! They have been robbed of their home, their family, their very lives! Raina, how am I supposed to be grateful when I've lost everything?"

"But you haven't lost everything! You have your family, a place to stay and a place to keep you safe," she says. She reaches up and takes my face in her hands. My eyes meet her dark grey irises and she continues. "I know you've lost things that meant a lot to you, but please, be grateful for your family if nothing else! You still have them." she tells me. Her words break through. Yes, I have them. Thank God I have them. Raina goes on the tip of her toes and presses a kiss on my lips. Then she releases me and goes down the hallway, but I grab her arm.

"You've forgotten someone." I whisper.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"You've forgotten someone I should be grateful for. And that's you." I tell her. She surprised to say the least.

"I... I don't matter." she stutters. Raina stuttering? That's never happened, she always knows what to say.

"Yes you do. You've always mattered to me, even back in District 12." I tell her. It's true. I always admired Raina. She was always strong and even though I tried not to get attached to many people, I found myself keeping an eye on the stubborn girl. And after I lost Madge, Raina was forced to help me, despite what happened to her. She still held on to me when there seemed to be no hope. But she was always there. Always there when I had a nightmare, always there to comfort me. She's always there when I needed her. She's always mattered to me. She always will.

But I never wanted to love her. I never asked to fall in love with her. Madge was always the one I wanted. But lately... I found myself thinking less of Madge. I feel terrible. I promised never to forget Madge. But I also remember what Raina told me the day we first came to District 13.

_"Fight for her, and remember her. It's all you can do. She'll always be there, Gale."_

Would she want me to never love again?No. I knew Madge and I know she wouldn't want me to stop living because she's gone. Of course it will be difficult, almost impossible. But I know Madge would always be there with me. It will be difficult for me to forget her and move on.

Raina walks ahead and I watch as she goes. I can feel myself getting attached to her. Last night, the nightmare I had wasn't of losing Madge. For the first time since she died, I didn't have a nightmare about her.

This time the nightmare was about losing Raina.


	4. Chapter 4

_Raina POV_

I walk away from Gale, still surprised at what he just revealed to me. He cares about me? I knew he must have, just a little anyway. He gets mad at me when I don't take proper care of myself, like not eating enough. I've never had much of an appetite anyway, even back in District 12. Of course that can be attributed to never having enough to eat, so my stomach is probably no bigger than a walnut. I also know that Gale's brothers, Rory and Vick, are growing and they're always hungry these days. When my brother, Ryker, reached that stage I remembered he was always hungry. But he never once complained. I was seven at the time, but I would see how he always gaze food, his his dark and hungry. Ryker would get mad at me too if he knew I was freely giving food away. But now that my family is gone, Gale's is the only thing I have left to care about. I love his little sister, Posy. She's a little light in these terrible times. I love his brothers too, because they reminded me of my own... And they were friends when mine were still alive. I'm shaken out of my thoughtd when I feel a little hand slip into mine and I glance down to see Posy. She's gripping my hand tightly.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Rory is scaring me." She whispers, that's when I see the tears in her eyes. And then I hear the scream. I scoop Posy up into my arms and clutch the trembling brunette child to my body. I go around the corner of the steely grey hallway and find the disturbing source of the noise and Posy's fright. Rory is sitting on top of Vick... His hands around his throat. Hazelle is screaming at her son, trying desperately to get him to stop choking the life out of his own flesh and blood.

"Gale!" I scream as loudly as I can. I know that if anyone could stop Rory, it would be Gale. I hear Gale run up behind me. He hears Vick make a choking sound and then Hazelle cries out again. Gale doesn't hesitate. He runs forward and rips Rory off Vick, wrapping his strong arms around him. But the fifteen year old is so wild and out of control. He throws his head back and it comes in contact with Gale's nose. I hear a crack. Gale groans and his arms loosen and Rory jumps out of his arms. I throw Posy into Hazelle's arms when I see Rory lunge for his ten-year old, sobbing brother on the floor. I grab his arm and I try to haul him back. He turns around so fast that I don't see his fist... But then I feel it on my teeth. I feel a tooth break off and then I can taste blood in my mouth. My reaction comes almost instinctively. My own fist flies up and I smash my fist against his eye as hard as I can. He yelps and clutches his eye. When he looks back up, the wildness has disappeared and it's replaced by confusion. He looks around at Gale with the blood streaming down his face and Hazelle kneeling beside her son, her arms wrapped around him.

"I... I'm so sorry. I... I don't know what happened." he rasps. He turns back to Vick, who quickly crawls away terrified of his own brother.

"Vick-"

"Don't speak Rory," Hazelle says sharply. "Come on, all of you." she snaps. She grasps Rory and makes him walk in front of them. They leave to get their schedules and Gale and I are left standing alone in the hallway.

"What happened to him?" I ask Gale.

"He snapped." he responds.

"And Hazelle is alright with that?" I ask. I'm shocked at her response.

"Raina, what other choice does she have? Have Rory taken away by guards? She can't handle it. She thinks that if they just continue on how they would any other day, that everything will be alright. Can you blame her?" he asks. I shake my head, realizing that we need the normality to stay sane. If we even have that left. I look at Gale and see that his nose is now gushing.

"You're bleeding, come on." I tell him. I lead him back to our room and make him sit on the bed. I grab one of my old shirts and go to press it against his nose, but I hesitate. His nose looks broken.

"Gale... You'll need to reset it." I tell him. He cringes but nods. He grabs his nose and I look away, not wanting to see him in pain. But I can still hear the sickening snaps and crunches from his cartilage. When I hear no more noise, I turn back and hand him the shirt to press against his nose. He takes it, nodding his thanks. Then he looks worried.

"Your mouth is bleeding," he says. He takes my arm and pulls me on the bed beside him. His rough hand comes up to my mouth and with a softness I didn't know he possessed, he gingerly opens it. "You didn't have to do that." he whispers as he examines the gap in my mouth and then the bruise forming around my lips and chin.

"Do what?" I ask him.

"Try to stop him. You got hurt because of it." he tells me, general concern in his voice.

"I was afraid he would go after Vick again." I tell him truthfully.

He stares at me for a moment before answering. "You're so strong."

At first I think he's kidding, but his face holds no trace of laughter or joking. I snort. "No, I'm not. I'm just me, Gale. I'm not strong or brave or beautiful... I'm not anything." I tell him. It's the truth. I try to make myself seem stronger than I am. But truthfully... I'm fragile and I'm terrified that soon I'll snap. Like Rory did. Yes, I've had to pull Gale together again. But hearing him say Madge's name every single night... And realizing that he'll only ever want her... It wears on me. I hated myself for getting attached to Gale. I knew that if I did, I would only get hurt in the end.

"What do you mean you're not anything? You're stronger than I am. You've had to deal with me and my family and the others from District 12 who are just as broken as we are. The day the bombs fell you put yourself in danger by saving me. You don't realize just how strong you are," he says. Then his hand reaches for mine and he clutches it tightly. "And you think you're not beautiful? You're one of the most beautiful things I've ever laid eyes on."

_**Hello lovely readers :) sorry this took longer to update! Hope you like it. Please leave a review!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_Gale POV_

Vick is sitting in front of me. I'm looking at his neck, which is still bears purple bruises from Rory's attack. Everything has been different since then. Of course, how could it not? Posy is terrified of Rory. She can't be within ten feet of him. She sees him and then runs away instantly. Rory always loved Posy. It kills him that Posy can't bear to be with him. My mom... She's been bad. She's trying to forget what happened. She's making herself believe that we're fine. That we're the family we were before... And she believes that District 12 is still standing. She's making herself believe a lie.

I tilt Vick's head back, observing the purple flesh. It will heal in time. Will Vick ever mentally recover? Most likely not. How can someone get over being strangled by their own brother. I hear our door open and hear the soft voices of Posy and Raina. The two walk in, Posy gripping Raina's hand tightly. She's been doing that a lot lately. So much so, that Raina has bruises. Posy sees Vick and runs towards him, scrambling up on the bed and draping herself on her brother. He rubs his hand over her back, trying his best to comfort the small girl. She buries her face in his chest, stifling a sob. Posy never smiles anymore.

"Hey, come on, cheer up. I'll be fine, Pos. Come on, smile, for me?" Vick asks her. She glances up at him, forcing a smile. Vick pulls her close and hugs her so tightly she squeaks. The door opens again. This time it's mom and Rory. It's late, everyone's required to be in their rooms now. Vick spots Rory and the color drains from his face. Rory opens his mouth to say something, a look of pure regret in his eyes, but Vick shakes his head. It's too soon. Too soon to talk, and certainly too soon to make amends. So Rory closes his mouth and remains silent.

"It's time to go to sleep, Pos." I mumble. Posy nods and begins to untangle herself from Vick, making sure not to look at Rory.

Raina leads my mother to her bunk and tucks her in, pulling the sheet up to her chin. Mom has come to rely on Raina to take care of her. Mom grabs Raina's hand.

"Can we go home soon? Back to District 12?" Mom asks in a shaky voice.

I take Posy and put her on the top bunk. Our room has five bunk beds lining two walls. Everything in the room is a dull grey.

Vick is already asleep in the bunk under Posy. Rory goes to the top bunk on the opposite wall. When he climbs in, he looks back at me.

"Gale," he whispers.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"I didn't mean to do it. You know I would never have... I just..." he trails off, at a loss for words. I've never seen Rory look this sad before.

"I know you didn't." I tell him. He rolls over, curling up into a fetal position. I see his body shake and soon I can hear his muffled sobs. Raina is sitting on Posy's bunk, humming a lullaby to her. Soon, Posy is asleep, her breathing slow and even. I hold my arms out to Raina and she slips off the bunk, landing in my arms. I don't place her on the ground. I just hold her. I hold her small body in my arms. I get comfort from her. I always have, but now I need it more than ever. My family is falling apart at the seams. My little sister is terrified of her older brother, someone who she once loved more than anyone. Vick is starting to recoil and hide within himself. He's closing himself off from everyone. My mother is living in a lie she's created for herself. She thinks were happy and that District 12 is still standing. She's made herself believe that our home hasn't been turned into ash. She's going crazy.

Raina slips out of my arms, but still holds on to my wrist. She leads me into the small bathroom and closes the door behind us. She looks at me, her dark grey irises managing to sparkle in the light.

"Gale... You're crying." She points out. My hand goes to my cheek and I feel the wetness. I didn't even realize I was crying. Raina wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer until her body is pressed against mine.

"I know that you're hurting, Gale. I know seeing your family like this is painful. But you can't give up, do you understand me?" She hisses. Her voice is low, but icy.

"Raina, my mom is losing her mind. My little sister can't look at my brother without crying. Raina... I might lose them forever. I couldn't handle it if I lost them." I tell her.

"What the future brings, we cannot know. Gale, this battle against the Capitol will be brutal. We will lose people we love, but remember that they have sacrificed their life so we could be free. Gale, living in sadness and regret isn't what they want. It's not what Madge wanted, it's not what my family wanted, it's not wanted your family would want. We will lose people, but they're dying so we can be free. Will you disgrace their sacrifice by living in grief?" she asks.

"No. Of course not." I answer. She reaches up and gently strokes my cheek and I lean into her touch. I lean down and press my lips against hers, relishing this moment.

What Raina says is true. We do not know what the future brings. The only thing we do know is there will be a battle for our freedom. We will suffer, we will stumble and fall but in the end we will rise against the Capitol. My family will be free, I will make sure of that. And with Raina beside me, I will not ever stop fighting.

I pull Raina closer and bury my face in her hair. Raina isn't like Madge. She isn't kind or soft. She's rough and hardened by her times. I loved Madge, I really did, and I will never forget her. You can never forget the people you loved. But now I realize that I need Raina. She keeps me sane. I know I don't always treat her the way I should. She saved me the day District 12 was destroyed and has saved me ever since.

I owe her my life.

If we survive the war, maybe Raina and I can make a life together. However, until then, we will take care of each other. We won't let each other slip into darkness and depression and hopefully, one day, I won't be plagued by nightmares and she won't be frightened to open her eyes in the morning. In time, I pray, we'll heal. But I know that even if we don't, and I still get woken up by crippling nightmares, she will always be there in those dark hours. Always.

_Fin_


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